Just Keep Swimming.

You know what you gotta do when life gets you down?

Just keep swimming Just keep swimming

For some reason I keep repeating this to myself: Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Like the little cartoon fish that has something to prove, I guess. In the past few days it's felt like if I didn't "keep swimming" I would drown in grief. It's nipping at my heels, and if I stop for a second it's there ready to envelope me. I wasn't in the mood today...I was cried out. So, I decided we needed to get out and do something as a family. Something Betty-centered and fun.
So, we went to Schuett Farms in Mukwonago to visit the pumpkin patch.

It was nice to just spend some time with the kid and the hubby (participating in what my husband called good-ole' wholesome family fun). It was unseasonably warm today and I thought it was worthwhile to take advantage of the beautiful weather.

So...I keep swimming...walking...talking. One foot in front of the other hoping the grief doesn't continue to catch up with me. I know it's been less than a week, but I just don't want to miss her. I don't want to be without her. So I am, for now, comfortable in my self-imposed denial...healthy or not. I'm just exhausted and not ready to give in the grief just yet.

I didn't intend to continue to talk about it on here, a blog that was supposed to be reserved for my photo projects and client sneak peeks...but this is what is going on right now. And it helps to write it out so it's not caught in my head making me go crazy.

I miss her. Terribly.

I was at the pumpkin patch today smiling at my darling daughter and enjoying the lovely day, but the missing was still there. The hurt was still around us. I guess I can't rush it going away, but it's so incredibly unwelcome.

I caught some great pictures of The Peanut and I'm enjoying editing her pictures for awhile. Concentrating on her beautiful face and her adorable smile...gives me a bit of peace.

Walkin' in the dirt....woo hoo!
There is a lot of love in this picture

Pumpkins for The Peaunt

Daddy's Little Girl

Betty and I..... swimming.

Smile.

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though its breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

We buried my grandmother today. I have been running the roller coaster from numb, to devestated, to distraught, back to numb, and I'm finally settled at exhausted for now. I don't want to cry anymore because its just taking far too much out of me.

It was a nice service and my mother did a beautiful eulogy for Grams. It was fitting that throughout we found small reasons to briefly smile, remembering something funny or ridiculous that Grams did.

And I can look at my daughter, Betty the Second, and know that Grams' spirit is continuing. That I have a chance to take all I learned from her and apply it to my life. That I can be the kind of mother she would want me to be.

I'm aching right now, more than I ever have in my life. This week has been nothing short of terrible. But I feel some hope in the fact that I haven't lost my smile, and I have remembered that life will continue and the pain will slowly dull. It may never disappear..I will be forever altered by my loss...but I am thankful I have so many wonderful memories.

Goodbye

1923-2008

Common Bonds.

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck

Family has been on my mind lately, being that one of my closest family members is very ill and I've been spending a lot of time with my extended family in the past few days. So, it was fitting that my shoot today was a family shoot. This family was a lot of fun. The mom and dad had just celebrated 33 years of marriage, which is definitely something to be celebrated with a romp on the beach and fun photo shoot with your family!

We shot at Nagawaukee Park and were able to take advantage of the rain holding off to get some very cute shots on the small beach, piers, and wooded areas. Plus, the park was holding some sort of Revolutionary War re-enactment which was very neat to see! Very up my alley.

Hope the family enjoys this quick sneak peek! I have more shoots coming up this week, including a senior portrait session later and then a much needed weekend off!!

I called this the quintessential Wisconsin shot....on the pier, by the lake, in your WI shirts!

33 years and going!

Beauty and Math.

The most distinct and beautiful statement of any truth must take at last the mathematical form. – Henry David Thoreau

Allow me to be cliche here for a moment. People talk all the time about couples that are "meant for eachother". Oh, they are "meant" for one another! Suggesting some sort of action of fate or kismet that brought the couple together. Sadly, this is rarely the case in real life. Often, two people find one another, have enough in common not to constantly drive the other nuts, and go along with their merry lives. Fine for some, not for all.

I often thought my husband and I were meant to be together. We are two peas in a pod, honestly, and I can't imagine being with anyone else who makes me this happy. But, I also know luck like mine doesn't happen to everyone in relationships.

This thought brings me to today's shoot, and Sara and Josh. If ever there was a couple I've met that was "meant for eachother" it was these two. Not only were they both math majors (eek!...just the mere mention of math makes my hair stand on end) but they were so comfortable with one another and natural in front of the camera that they oozed compatibility to me. Not that I'm some expert, but these two are in sync with one another, you can tell.

We shot this engagement sitting at Carthage College, where the couple met. It's a lovely campus, reminicient of Carroll College, where I go. Except you can tell the landscapers at Carthage are pretty dedicated! It was a great spot to shoot, spoke to the couple's history, and because Josh and Sara were such naturals we came away with a lovely collection of shots.

I've never put beauty and math together. Math was always equated with scary thoughts, panicked cramming for tests, and reluctant checkbook balancing. But, these two brought beauty, love, and math together...and made it all add up. (Oh cmon, I had to slip a cheesy math joke in there somewhere!)

Enjoy your sneak peek guys! I think this is one of my favorite shoots to date!

Sunflare makes me happy.

I Know You Have A Lot of Strength Left.

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work, This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man, Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left. I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said, That I never said.
All the things we should've done, That we never did.
All the things I should've given, But I didn't. Oh, darling, make it go, Make it go away. Give me these moments back. Give them back to me. Give me that little kiss. Give me your hand. (I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left. I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said, That were never said.
All the things we should've done, That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me. All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given, But I didn't. Oh, darling, make it go away. Just make it go away now.

I heard this song by Kate Bush on the way home from Beloit this evening. I spent the day with my grandmother, who is currently battling metastatic colon cancer. Grandma and I are incredibly close (my daughter is named for her) and it hurts terribly to see her in pain. I'm thankful that I have the time to spend with her, but at the same time feel as if time itself is the enemy. It goes by too quickly, too fleeting, and runs out before you're ready.
Are you ever ready?

This song just made me think. I'm not a huge Kate Bush fan, but it's a beautiful, simple way to put across the frustration and the agony of losing a loved one. All the things I wish I would have done with her becoming just wishes...because it's too late. All the things that she needs from me that maybe in the past I felt I was too busy to give. Are we ever really too busy, or do we make ourselves that way?

I don't want to be too busy, I want to be there for her for all the things she needs from me, even if it's just someone to talk to.

Brothers and Sisters.

I have to sincerely apologize to the family for the delay in getting this sneak peek up...but I hope the wait was worth it!

I shot these delightful brothers and sisters on Sunday at the Menomonee River Park, which was a gorgeous setting for some great family portraits.

Self described "woodsy folks", these guys were fearless as far as getting really into nature for the shot (including standing in the middle of the creek!). It made for some great shots guys so I have to thank you!

On the Type A Images front, I have to add that due to a family illness there may be some delay in answering emails and messages. I promise to get back to any inquiries as soon as I possibly can.

Thanks for understanding!