Change.

Ain't it crazy how you think

You've got your whole life planned

Just to find that it was never ever

In your hand

- Sugarbabes

I struggled with how to even write about this. For one, it's personal. Very personal. For two, it's a new experience for me and one I know very little about. But, I thought about it for awhile and realized that connecting with people on a real, true level is something that is important to me: in life and in my work. So, I decided not to let that change even if the subject matter was sad.

Today, my husband and I lost our baby. We had actually found out last week that things with the pregnancy weren't exactly normal and we were waiting for a follow up visit to see if it was just a fluke or a mistake. Apparently, it wasn't.

Of course I'm sad. I'm thinking that it isn't fair, that this baby was very anticipated, wanted, and already loved. I'm thinking about who he or she was, how Betty would have been such a great big sister, how we were already planning his or her arrival. I never thought it was premature. I never thought this would happen.

But, again, life goes on. This too shall pass. As Grams would say, it'll all comes out in the "warsh" (she was from Chicago...)

But today, I'm sad. Sad for what could have been and excitement extinguished.